A Timeless Truth.

Late but in earnest, The Truth had a good run. Inglewood’s favorite son has come and gone but his legend is here to stay

Late but in earnest, The Truth had a good run. Inglewood’s favorite son has come and gone but his legend is here to stay.

As the Celtics prepare to play a 2nd round game 7 that could bring them to a place no Celtic team has been without Paul Pierce since 1988, we should take a look back to acknowledge just how great Paul Pierce is and was.

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Pierce with High school teammates from the “rough” bloods and Crips filled inner city school of Inglewood.

To tell the story of Paul Pierce, we gotta rewind the clocks. The late 80s Celtics are wining titles left and right, hot off of a 1986 championship the soon to be aging Celtics have the 2nd pick in the NBA Draft…Len Bias….who just a few weeks later….is dead due to a cocaine overdose……and the NBA is nice enough to hold the contract against the Celtics. Fast forward to the 1987 draft. The Celtics pick up future All Star Reggie Lewis to help guide their team into the 90s with an aging original Big Three of Kevin McHale, Larry Bird, and Robert Parish.

During the 1993 Playoffs the Celtics hope for a successful future is snuffed out of reality in just a few short days. The Celtics next big hope for the future collapses on the court, and eventually dies at the age of 27. (Reggie Lewis 1965-1993) (fast forward to 1:41)

Another possible great….dead and hope for the decades long Celtic Dynasty  going with it.

The 90s were a decade long era of turmoil and disaster for the Celtics as an entire city watched a storied franchise of indomitable success decay and fall to ashes.

The Celtics had the luck of catching Paul Pierce at 10 in the 1998 draft under Head Coach Rick “Killed the Franchise” Pitino ( Death comes in 3’s Bias, Lewis, Celtics) but thats a blog for another day.

Paul Pierce went on to immediate success and showed the city of Boston the Celtic glimmer was back in just his first year. This success was almost cut short however. Paul Pierce was almost another Celtic dead and left to the history books.

A night out in Boston at “The Buzz Club”. Pierce alongside a few teammates ( Tony Battie) were out on the town when Pierce was stabbed 11 times in the face, neck and back, with a few punctures coming millimeters away from his heart and a champagne bottle smashed across his temple. The Celtics were on the verge of another death, and any hope for success choked out again. Thanks to quick driving of his teammate Tony Battie and a hospital near by, Pierce was able to make a impressive recovery despite being stabbed 11 times and losing dangerous amounts of blood.Pierce went on to have light shoot around sessions within weeks of his attack and was able recover and go on to enormous success stringing multiple 40 point games consecutively earning the nick name “The Truth” by Shaq after being torched during the following season. Despite fearing there may be those in the stands and in the city trying to kill him, Pierce was determined to stay in Boston and went on to be loved by the very city that almost took his life.

Paul Pierce proved to be the pick that was here to stay. Pierce would not be another grave stone in Celtics lure.

Paul Pierce along side shake and bake performer Antoine Walker brought the Celtics to a Conference Finals against a talented New Jersey Nets team, although we lost the series, Paul Pierce was a major component of a historic 21 point 4th quarter comeback win in the Fleet Center(RIP). Despite minor playoff success, Pierce could only do so much to drag the poorly managed Celtics to success and was left with year after of bad rosters and little to no support. As season after season of missing the playoffs and being a mediocre team Pierce had peaked, he was almost ten years into his career and the clock was ticking. Pierce despite trade rumors every few years endured the pain of loss after loss and shouldered the team year in and year out until the fateful summer where Trader Danny picked to trade.

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(09/28/2012 – Waltham, MA) Danny Ainge speaks to the media at the Celtics media day at HealthPoint in Waltham Friday afternoon. (092812celtstbc – Photo by Tara Carvalho.)

Insert Ray Allen and the Celtics now look a little more busty, and a tad more attractive for players to leave for….fast forward a few more weeks and……

Pierce had his team, he had his time in NBA purgatory and now he’s out. He has his squad and was playing along side two hall of famers whos’ careers have mirrored his own. Both super stars withering away with franchises they could not get over the hump. Garnett and Allen could not be happier to be with the Celtics. Taking pay cuts and willing to play with others, Pierce, Garnett, and Allen went on to a historic season ending with an NBA title and firmly cementing Pierce’s place in Celtics Glory as a champion. ( COULD HAVE HAD 3…but again a blog for another day)

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Pierce is everything a Celtic should be, tough, gritty, loyal and smart. His play, although not always smooth, got the job done. He was the blue collar star the franchise needed. Constantly giving back to the community schools and under privileged, Pierce will always be an icon in Boston. His last great gift to the Celtics was maybe the hardest….and that was agreeing to a trade that would take him out of Boston. By trading Pierce, the Celtics were able to avoid the mistakes of old, allowing a fading star to play out their time in the NBA for his team only hurts the franchise, the Celtics traded Paul and others away while he still had value, allowing the Celtics to have a map of their future through the NBA draft. Paul’s NBA career has come to an end this season and as the Celtics prepare to play a 2nd round game 7 that could bring them to a place no Celtic team has been without Paul Pierce since 1988, we should take a look back to acknowledge just how great Paul Pierce is because the Truth is….

Paul Pierce was not the player Boston deserved, he was The Truth we needed.
.The TRUTH.

Thank you.

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So your bracket is a house fire.

So your bracket turned out to be a flammable bag of shit tucked between the couch cushions that a disgruntled ex-girlfriend left for you?

Same.

Therein lies the beauty of March Madness, it is no fluke Caesar was betrayed and killed by those around him, it is not by happenstance our friend Julius was warned by the soothsayer to “beware the Ides of March.” Kansas, Duke, Louisville, UCLA, and Florida all wished they had a soothsayer of their own. Villanova certainly did not because a man like Jay Wright, with ice in his veins, probably knew it was coming and has already prepared for his return to glory in the following winter.

– that is how cold blooded killers react to winning on a buzzer beater on the biggest basketball stage

March Madness is best when our brackets are at their worst, when the Dukes of the world lose and the middle tier teams, the University of Rhode Island, George Mason’s and Appalachian States of the world in no name conferences make their runs at the crown. Watching the habitual gamblers lose to the blonde ditz in your office who “picked that team with the funny name because she didn’t like the colors of another mascot” is what makes this month great. Seeing the Dave Portnoy’s of the world or the douchebag cube monkey from high school throw a two weeks’ pay check on Notre Dame because “fighting IRISH bro they’re fuckn dope kehd they drop threes I saw a YouTube video where they killed it” lose and pull their hair out is almost as satisfying as watching your team win and it provides minor comfort when both of you lose.

Beware the ides of March has never meant more than they do during March Madness. Without the upsets there is little to be excited about. The NCAA sudden death tournament provides the highs and lows of deformed and twisted marriage but with beer and money instead of child care and lawsuits. It’s great. Your favorite team could be running high coming into the tournament with plenty to be confident about and then BOOM, your dead, your mothers dead, your brothers dead and Walder Frey is Lord of River Run and your stuck with Jon Snow knowing nothing about college basketball.

We all limp out of March Madness, some with money, others with damaged pride. Two things are certain; The NCAA is the premier basketball forum in the world for the month of March and that we all will come back in February with our brackets in hand and superstition in our head vowing to never make the same mistakes we’ve made in the past, we know nothing.

St Patty’s Day? The most American day of all.

Rise and shine it is the day we all look forward to here in Boston, as you know….EVACUATION DAY.

12 score and 1 year ago today the God like General George Washington ousted General William Howe and his soldiers from Boston March 17th 1776. Fortified in the Dorchester Heights using cannons captured at Ticonderoga General George Washington forced the British garrison and navy to retreat from Boston. Hot off of the Battle of Bunker Hill ( Breeds Hill) the British had already received considerable loss of life to the Patriot’s and fearing a repeat, General Howe tucked tail and ran for Nova Scotia casually. This marks the first victory of the Revolutionary war and the first city to be liberated from British rule.

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Coincidentally the day falls on Saint Patrick’s day, the greatest Saint of them all to the Irish people , a group of people who, coincidentally make up a majority population of Boston and…historically have great disdain and resentment for the British. It is no surprise that the smart, intelligent people of Boston realized both these glorious days take place on the same day and motioned to have this day made a local holiday for the city and surrounding areas.

With that I say, in a time where the meaning of being American is no longer clear, the most patriotic thing you can do, is thank God for immigrants and drink up with green on like it’s the RED WHITE AND BLUE. If you see someone demanding beer and drinking their fill cheaply without paying their fair share, or you see your fellow mate suffering mental taxation without representation( blow jobs/anal) from a girl, it is your Patriotic duty to kick her out like General George Washington.

In George Washington we trust

As a half irish white guy with a red beard I say- Happy Saint Patty’s Day

As a proudly ignorant citizen of the U S OF A and resident of Boston I say HAPPY EVACUATION DAY!

12 score and 1 year means 241, a score= 20 years. 12 of them equals 240, plus 1….job well done.math so hot right now.math

Red Sox Opening Day Around the Corner

We approach that time of year, the bad hot dogs, the overpriced beer, and girls in Red Sox hats and short jean shorts. Nothing better than the trifecta of those three things inside the Cathedral of Boston.  New England winters are like an unstable girlfriend, hot and cold, you can have a 60 degree spring day, next thing you know you are snowed in with 3 feet of snow every week with below zero temps. If death created time to grow the things it kills, God created winter to let us appreciate baseball and for no other reason, girls in short jeans tits out and a RedSox Cap on with preferably two gansets in each hand to hand off to me for what I hope will be a boob luge in an alley way……ahem so the The Sox open up in 18 days from now against the Pirates, a team that came in 3rd in the National league central with a gross record of 78-83.

Opening day is not about the Pirates though, April 3rd marks day 1 in the year of our Lord David Ortiz. We are living in a post David Ortiz world and the dream comes crashing towards reality the first Monday of April.

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Nobody wanted to see this day come but it is has cum all over RedSox Nation in the least satisfying way. That in mind, the Sox have been “kinda” busy this off season righting wrongs of what was an up and down season and a unceremoniously bad first round sweep to end their playoffs hopes and David Ortiz’s career. Outside of David Price not understanding anything about RedSox baseball, he doesn’t need surgery and Kyle Kendricks  <–link , has shown up to pre-season like a professional and is playing like he is worth more than his 1 year / $1,000,000 contract with the Boston Red Sox. Sadly it is preseason and really means nothing come game day.

How to make opening day suck a little less knowing David Ortiz is gone you ask?

Prepare for weather far more unstable than the tolken x we spoke of earlier and this guy

 

Pic your crew, who ya going with, where ya drinking, and most importantly, did you take work off? Only chumps use work as an excuse to not attend opening day that or you have a problem and use any excuse to take work off ( as any true American will do, its the right thing).

The baseball tavern across the street or Tony C’s both supply grade A roof deck environments with plenty to see as you drink up with Fenway across the road.

Prepare for a long opening ceremony and for waves of patriotism to wash over you like its the 4th of July because it might as well be. America’s past time is baseball and its opening day and the tip is about to go in, rejoice.

baseball

beer

the boys

poaching season

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opening day, will you be ready?

 

 

 

 

 

CITGO here to stay in Fenway

Never underestimate the power of nostalgia.

If you have ever been to a ball game in Fenway or taken a cruise through Boston odds are you’ve seen the gloriously under-whelming Citgo sign along the road. Like the smoke-show you see on instagram at all the right angles, the Fenway View, the Bleacher view, the Monster View, all beautifully lit up with the right shine and glory….but a closer real life look shows it is a rusted broken advertisement atop an old building……

But its our old broken sign atop our old building along the skyline of AMERICA’S most beloved old ball park and I will be damned if someone thinks practically and sees it for the rusted sign advertising for a gas station that is no longer prevalent in Boston.

One of New England’s favorite sons and a literal Patriot Julian Edelman stated he does not want the Citgo sign going anywhere and has encouraged funding efforts to preserve the sign. @ savethecitgosign.com

The details behind the issue can be messy to some on-lookers but 1 thing is clear, Mayor Marty Walsh has saved the day once again. What can this guy not do?( Grand Prix). The owner of the building below the Citgo signed was recently purchased by a New York based company that was fighting to tear down the Venezuelan Oil Company sign and move forward with their own plans. The two parties firmly at a stale mate until our fearless leader Mayor Marty Walsh offered City Hall as a neutral site where the two companies subsequently brokered a long term deal who’s specifics have not been released but we can only imagine Mayor Walsh worked his magic and it is best we not know his secret.

Legends come and go from the Red Sox dugout, but the Citgo sign is here to stay.

Martin-Walsh-Image-via-FacebookMartin-Walsh 2.jpegIn Marty We Trust

 

 

 

 

 

 

March Madness Beware the Bracket

“Beware, beware the Ides of March…” the soothsayer warned Julius Caesar, but he did not hide and, instead, we are told that where he lived, so he died.

More often than not, like clock work it is the month that follows February and proceeds April. The month were fortunes are made, careers ended and rings sized.

March is not just for the Irish or the gambler, it is for the 1 and dones, the 5 year white bench player and….fuckin sports news casters who spin their wheels and sow their webs of bullshit “bracketology”. The concept of Bracketology is bullshit, nobody knows what will happen, no amount of number studying, intuition sensing or basketball IQ will help you. Why? Because the games individually at face value are 50 and by default a 1 seed has no mathematical probability over a 12 seed for the same reason a quarter has the same probability of laying heads as it does tales. Shit happens in basketball, the worst of teams have played games where they bested the best of teams, it is a gamblers nightmare come march, and in the words of Kevin Garnett….anything is possible

More often than not it is the person who knows nothing about basketball who does the best in the bracket.

Example: Everyone has had to interact with that one obnoxious girl or that jerk off in your bracket who knows next to nothing about basketball or what NCAA means/is but because they randomly chose teams for no reason at all with little to no factor of reasonable thought or conclusion.

The brackets effect everyone, it is a unifying American event and to not do one is Un-American, the greatest of Presidents do brackets and the worst of all Presidents that existed after the creation of the NCAA tournament do not do brackets, so….terrible garbage Presidents dont do brackets — click the word bracket for proof. With that in mind here is a painstakingly piece by piece breakdown of my first round picks.

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Villanova- Big East Dick Swinging

Virginia Tech- 8-9 upsets are always plausible…always

Virginia- UNC Wilmington has a dumb logo

Florida- ETSU is just an atrocious abbreviation

SMU- I hate Providence ( Go Rhody) and USC gets enough sun

Baylor- NM State has al time logo and it pains me to pick them to lose but…they didnt play a single top 50 team……I hate to use logic but this is a no brainer. I hope

Marquette- South Caroline seceded from the Union first, its literally UN-American – click for proof

Duke- Troy fell, Duke will someday…just not March 17th

on to the WEST

Gonzaga- W

Vandy-another 8-9 rank, play the under, and play for keeps.

Princeton- Notre Lame. nuff said.

WVU- Bucknell color scheme is a poor version of Blue Mountain State, not worthy. sad!

Xavier- My faith in the Big East is unwavering

FSU- Florida Gulf Coast is not a real school, I repeat, it is NOT a real school

Arizona- Hot girls

MIDWEST

Kansas-Paul Pierce baby, Raf Lafrentz LEZZ GO

Miami- I picked two 9 seeds to upset 8 seed, law of averages ya know

Nevada- Upset city

UVM- Even a blind squirrel finds a nut

UNIVERSITY OF RHODE ISLAND- Hot girls, smoke factory of the East, Amazing basketball program from the mens team to the pro women’s men’s basketball practice players.

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Oregon- their gear is to nice to fail in the first round

Michigan- No fab 5 player is left in the NBA- its time for Michigan to return

Loui- Great comedian, and Pitino is creepy enough to pull this W off against a weak JSU team.

SOUTH

UNC- its the tar heels

Seton Hall-Big East BALL baby

Minn- MTSU is not a good name

Butler- Bull dogs baby no other reason

K- State- Cincy is weak, and K-State has a solid logo

UCLA- Lavar ball is dumb, but his kid can ball

Wichita- Dont sleep on Wichita, Dayton overrated fake news out of the A-10

Kentucky- Northern KY jelly wont be eating free steak at their local restaurant.  google it…its a real fucking thing and I wont be providing the link.

So there you have it, above is a perfect and logical break down that fits the perfectly illogical year to year results the NCAA tournament produces. I can only hope that whatever amount of money you and your friends say you will chip in every year crosses my path and I benefit from it.

 

 

 

BC State of the Union

Code fucking maroon.

All our relevant teams are done for the year.

Lets wind the clocks back a few years. These Wake Forest, Clemson Tigers, Duke Blue Devils and UNC Tar Heels wouldn’t dare cross any of you….I mean, what happened? Did your balls drop off? You see, a guy like me….look, listen, I know why BC chooses to have their “group therapy” sessions at Chipotle in broad daylight. I know why you’re afraid to leave the Heights for away games.

We played in the greatest basketball conference in America, shit the Big East Basketball Tournament has its own 30 for 30, and we created the modern day sports network program catapulting that small sports trailer park company out of Connecticut to stardom. With increased media attention and the money rolling in, Boston College decided the real money was to be made using the Football program and the best way to capitalize on Football as a North Eastern School is the ACC…..should we have ever left the Big East……that’s a blog for another day. However If you’re good at something….never do it for free.

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….You either die the hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain and that is just what BC did by leaving the Big East for the ACC. We were the #1 Ranked Football team in America lead by Matty Ice moving and shaking up the football world as he prepped for MVP caliber years in the NFL. We had a thriving basketball program with the likes of Troy Bell, Ryan Sydney, Craig Smith, Jared Dudley, and Tyrese Rice. Men’s basketball coach Al Skinner had the Men’s Wearhouse commercial game ON LOCK, he had the hottest recruiting staff in the game pulling no name recruits out of California (Jared Dudley, Craig Smith) and was cuckolding the entire ACC. We had the cover of Sports Illustrated, we had the Heisman candidate, and as always, we have the Hockey National Championship and countless Bean Pots to boot. It was perfect……Image result for craig smith cover of sports illustrated

 

….out goes the BC basketball recruiting team for better paying positions at Northeastern…..out goes any future recruits to the program….it was not long before Al Skinner was dumped and the program was in the rebuilding stages under another coach…Steve Donahue. I should have known from the day that fuck signed the under armor contract for the team, leaving Addidas/Reebok that things were about to get worse. With Under Armor came a class of stiff white basketball players that brought shame to the bounce pass and mid-range jumper like no other, I never knew a finger roll could look so damn bad. BC ran the flex offense to perfection, it was tight in the key and confused the defense and yet…this fucker decided to throw that game plan out the window for….(insert nothing here) .I never imagined that the highlight of a basketball career could be team dinners the very same year the entire team gets food poisoning from FUCKING CHIPOTLE.

A few years of basketball knowing full well I could throw on some shorts and snap away basketball pants and nobody NOBODY would be able to tell I was drunk in the layup lines and that I was not actually on the basketball team is a damn embarrassment, it is not a testament to my skill level when drunk, it is a testament to the level of embarrassment the Eagles brought to Counte Forum. We have a new coach whos name I will learn when we win more than ten games in a season. The Eagles finished 9-23…..

Football….football has had a string of bad luck so bad not even the Flutie family has been able to salvage it. ( The Kennedy’s of BC) With coaching staff changes and superfluous bowl games, we no longer have Matt Ryan or Mathias Kiwanuka who both went on to have successful NFL careers to save us now. Coaching changes and mass injuries throughout the depth charts on the offensive side of the ball have left the BC football program crippled year after year. We had the #1 ranked defense in America but could not manage to throw 6’s into the end zone or kick the skin through the uprights. I had never felt lower than when BC played Notre Dame IN FENWAY and it was picked as a NOTRE DAME HOME FUCKING GAME, HOMMMMME FUCKING GAME. BOSTON COLLEGE plays in Fenway and we are treated as the away team, there was not even BC FUCKING MERCHANDISE, the least this money grubbing fucking College could do is capitalize on retail sales as we lose 19-16 in what was a surprisingly good game. My father “The Don” a BC season ticket holder and a college treasure of BC refused to go to the game because he knew all proceeds went to the Evil Irish. This level of deceit and betrayal is on par with Dennis Clifford Chipotle fiasco of 2016, it was a low I never wanted to feel again…..

Hockey…BC hockey is always the shinning glimmer of hope, year after year we win national championships, Bean Pots and anything else, shit we might as well be in the Olympics again. Not these Eagles though….we could not even muster a fucking Bean Pot this year, we are ranked 17th in the country as of March 6th ……17th…….17THHH, how the fuck does that happen. I feel like Jon Snow getting stabbed 8 times by the men of the watch and the season ends….boom honey look im flying ahhh im dead. Stab after stab, betrayal after betrayal BC sinks lower and lower….the only glimmer of hope is Kristie fucking Mewis and even she got snubbed from the Olympic women’s Soccer team….Image result for kristie mewis olympics

I won’t even mention how BC sports has been incapable of returning the Orange Eagle back to its rightful place atop the Heights ( http://www.nunesmagician.com/orange-eagle-trophy-boston-college-syracuse )

 

Alas…..the night is darkest just before the dawn, There is hope in men, and I believe the Heights will return to glory and days of future past will not be a fluke, we will soon rise to the top ranks of our respected sports and light our darkest hour.

 

Image result for kristie mewiskeep keepin on Hanson’s finest.

 

3 Easy guidelines towards success on St. Patty’s day.

 

The greatest tradition about St.Patty’s day in Southie is, there are no rules.That in mind here are a few guidelines to help you along the route.

Saddle the kegs, bring out the Celtics jerseys, and pocket the condoms St.Pattys day in Boston is around the corner. No alley way is safe from sex, no string of green beads to go un-worn. There are bottles to be emptied, furniture to be broken and tears to be swallowed.

To find yourself in the midst of a successful St. Patty’s day here is a consolidated list of the most important “Don’ts” of St. Patty’s day

 1.) Bathrooms are not as difficult to find on St. Patty’s day as you might think.

You’ve done it, your cousins done it, your brothers done it, you’ve seen your lady friend for the day do it, every dog from Thames Street in Newport ( the 2nd best st pattys day parade) to the streets of Southie has seen you do it.

Pissing in public for a guy more often than not is a quick in and out mission, ya find a good alley with limited visibility, ya pull your private eye out and do what god intended. Takes 30 seconds and then you flee the scene a new man. (This description can also describe relations with a “lady” in between parties….sometimes ya gotta stop in the alley way and do what God also intended us to do) .This minor choice could lead to a few things

  • Piss on yourself
  • Piss on someone else
  • Not realizing the “alley way” is a store front in the middle of southie
  • Arrest
  • Maybe you are forever a level 1 pedophile
  • Hefty fine from the City of Boston

If you can avoid getting caught in the act, you are 1 step closer towards having yourself one hell of a St. Patty’s day parade.

How to avoid this?

1.) Find a home to piss in

2.) Use a look out when peeing in an alley

 

2.) Drinking en-route

  • We get it, you like to drink alcohol you’re the fucking man but let’s relax with the waltzing around drinking out of the open container nonsense. You can have as many 30 racks as you can carry just don’t open the fucker until you get to a safe spot to drink and spill it all over yourself idc, just fucking wait. The only exclusion to the rule is “doin it for the gram” and that shit better be good. If you are capable of waiting to drink until you are at your destined location you have assured a good time .This minor choice could lead to a few things

 

  • You can spill beer all over yourself
  • Run the risk of losing your alcohol to street urchins and squids that appear on this day
  • Run the risk of looking as trashy as the North Shore/South Shore Trash that visit the city
  • Run the risk of looking like Southie Trash
  • You very well likely drop the bottle, it smashes everywhere and liquor stores are closed.
  • You are arrested
  • You are fined by the City of Boston

How to avoid this? Dont travel to far and drink up under a roof.

3.) Fightingnintchdbpict0002823705646.jpg

It is in Southie’s blood, it’s in the ooze between Southies toes, it’s under the fingernails, it’s between the balls and tits of the streets. Just a bunch of predominantly white pale as fuck people running around flailing their fists with McGregor confidence. This is all good and well until you throw in those that flock to the streets of Southie for St. Pattys day who are not actually from the city. The North Shore scum and South Shore trash (only relevant places other than Boston not including the Cape) flock in groves to the city with natty latte’s held high and their women feeling loose it is prime time for poor decisions and lop sided fights. This minor choice could lead to a few things.

  • Broken bones
  • Bloody clothes
  • Loss of pride
  • Loss of woman
  • Loss of memory
  • Loss of wallet, beer, phone, clothes, dignity
  • Arrested
  • Fined
  • Court
  • Possible pride in victory
  • Bloody knuckles
  • Big swinging dick of pride
  • More women wanting to hang with you
  • Broken furniture
  • Bad/great snap chat videos

How to avoid this? well…ya dont have to if ya dont want to.

If you can avoid these 3 simple choices, you have guaranteed yourself a higher percent chance of not having a terrible St.Pattys day and not ending up in a thrown up covered Paddy Wagon being hauled off to a jail cell or locked in a basement.

As I said, it does not guarantee fun, but it does provide a higher percent chance of not having a terrible St. Pattys Day. For me a successful St. Pattys day entails drinks with the “lads”, some gansett, and a healthy looking girl with some recreational habits in store for me. So remember it is St. Pattys day, drink with pride, fuck with affirmation, and wear that green like it’s the Red White and fucking Blue baby.f5d91aa39e11cccc6b06d68c3d34eedd.jpg

If you’re looking for a good time…..

You can find me in Southie drinkin Natty lattes pissing in front of a liquor store, cya then….

There are No More Guns in the Valley

I will notify you when spoilers begin

Director James Mangold DELIVERS ah lah Karl Malone. Mangold’s work with 3:10 to Yuma and Walk the line are apparent from the beginning of the film, setting the tone for this film from the opening sequence. Ya “film”, not a movie, not an action flick, or a super hero flick. This is a film, a gritty embarrassingly heart aching( for me at least) film about a cast of characters at the end of the line. Director Mangolds choice in using Johnny Cash’s last album of songs he sang whilst on his death bed, literally at the end of the line in life, could not have been a more fitting choice to set the stage for Hugh Jackman’s portrayal of James Howelett (Wolverine/Logan’s real name).

This movie has been reviewed as the Dark Knight of the Marvel franchise and I could not agree with that synopsis more. From start to finish the rubber meets the road in every scene. At its most basic form it is a movie about survival for the sake of survival in a dystopian reality that is not all that far off from reality. The movie provides shades of metaphors for modern day racism and prejudice against those that are unique in character and mind. If you grew up with the X-Men, read the comics, watched the cartoons, saw the movies, maybe even popped a weed gummy or 3, then I say best of luck to you and bring the tissue box.

Logan provides the average viewer with action packed sequences that have you hanging on every movement the characters make because it very well could be their last move. You see Logan broken and an alcoholic with no friends to turn to and no hope for someone else to come along. As Professor X states in the trailer ” someone has come along” Logan sadly enough is the someone to come along, they will be the only ones to save themselves, nobody else will be coming to help them, they truly are alone in this world……..

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Spoilers…..

Spoilerss……..

Spoilers…………………………..

Without dissecting every scene and plot….

From the opening scene we see Logan down and out doing whatever he has to too survive. Not healing quickly, body failing and claws barely working, Logan takes a buck shot too the chest at point blank range 4 minutes into the movie and proceeds to get his ass beaten by 3-4 gang members before chopping them all to bits…because they were taking the wheels off of his limo….Logan is a chauffeur for Proms, parties, Frat Holes ,and CEO’s. In between chauffeuring and smuggling drugs to a frail and seizure prone Professor X who resides in an abandon metal water tank, Logan has Caliban as company. Caliban who is brilliantly played by Stephan Merchant, expands the x-men marvel universe as a “c” list comic book mutant capable of locating and feeling other mutants near him but is albino and exposure to the sun burns and kills him. All three characters scraping to survive in northern Mexico, the movie does not take long for the “reavers”( a band of merchs enhanced with metal limbs) to cause havoc on Logan’s barely stable home thanks to the introduction of Laura, Logan’s daughter who is on the run and in need of saving.

In one of the more pivotal moments in the movie Logan, Laura and Professor X are reminded of what life once was and what could be as they eat dinner with a working class American farming family who themselves are fighting their own battle for survival against a major corporation that is working to take their farm land.

The farming family sets the scene for a clone of Wolverine who appears and kills Professor X as the Professor begins to have clarity in his thought and potentially begin to seize ( his seizure cause paralysis and seizures in those in the vicinity). Wolverine, Laura, Reavers, clone wolverine and the working class family all begin fighting each other for survival ending with the death of the entire family, Professor X, and Caliban. The scene itself is difficult to watch as it becomes more clear just how old Logan has become and what little he has left.

The burial of Professor X provides a gut wrenchingly emotional scene that leaves even the casual viewer aching for someone to console and comfort Logan, insert Laura/daughter. Logan displays a rare weak and emotionally frail moment where all the weight he has shouldered comes crashing down and you see just how broken he has become with the death of Professor X and what the world has become around him.

With a glaring death wish ( insert adamantium bullet he keeps with him) Logan begrudgingly brings Laura to North Dakota where she believes there is a safe haven entry way to Canada where they will be safe and can meet with other young mutants. In a penultima sequence the Reavers, Laura, Logan, young mutants and Logan’s Clone converge on each other ending in a dramatic sequence where Wolverine is impaled onto a tree by his clone and is about to be killed for good by his clone until Laura ( his daughter who possess exact same traits as him) shoots the clone with Logan’s adamantium bullet.

In the end Logan is put to rest with a cross laid on his grave in the shape of an X by his daughter Laura.

The final exchange between Laura and Logan is nothing short of heart wrenching as Laura calls Logan “Dad” and he appears to be reminded of the love for family he once had and that not all is lost in the world.

The film itself is beautifully shot with long lasting wide shots that give the movie gower a view for depth and gravity as the characters struggle to survive. The movie never gets to complicated and sticks to the concept of survival. You have to sit and watch your childhood characters struggle, crawl and grasp for each day of survival, watching Professor X cling to life as he slips into alzheimers disease and live with the possibility of seizing for to long and killing himself and those around him, his mind acting as a weapon of mass destruction. You see Logan as an alcoholic incapable of sleeping at night trudging from day to day as his body fails to heel his life threatening wounds earned from a lifetime of hardship

The film is gritty and in the most cliche way, keeps you desperately on the edge of your seat as you watch people “claw” for survival and for a better life. I rate the movie a ten.hqdefault (1) 2.jpg

What the Celtics win means for Trader Danny, The NBA, and LeBron

What Wednesday Nights Celtics Win really means for the East

Taken at face value, the Celtics vs. Cavs of Wednesday night was an intense game to watch where both teams competed evenly despite suspect game calling by the referees (not the first sports blog to question a ref I know) but the Celtics came out victorious. If you peel off the crop top, unzip the skirt and take a closer look at this game and what it really means in the East you’ll see it was more than just a battle between 1st and 2nd place teams in the Eastern Conference.

Lebron James will never say it, you won’t hear it in the interviews, and you won’t read about it in the Cleveland Plain Dealer (that is Cleveland’s major newspaper, awful name, and awful city, fits perfectly). Lebron James teams have been the preeminent team in the East this year and for the better half of the post 2010 Celtics finals loss world that we are forced to live in. Make no mistake LeBron wanted to come into Boston and not just beat the Celtics, he wanted to crush them, to sweep them back into the insignificant pool of teams that come out of the East and send our franchise back to the drawing board alongside Trader Danny. Lebron wanted to remind the NBA and the Celtics that although the Celtics are in 2nd place in the East, they very well might as well be in last place and that he has not spent a second thought on this annoying team only a few games behind him in the standings.

LeBron did not get what he wanted, instead of proving to the league and more importantly the Eastern Conference that Cleveland is the unquestionable power in the East, he proved to be fallible. Do the Celtics have a legitimate shot at beating the CAVS in the conference finals? No absolutely not. However this win proves to show that Trader Danny’s Post championship run era revival plan is working, it is on track for success and we will not endure the two decade long championship hangover Celtics fans of old were forced to endure through the 90s and early 2000’s. As every Boston sports fan knows thanks to Rick Pitino….Larry Bird is not walking through that door, Robert Parish is not walking through that door, Kevin McHale is not walking through that door and if they do, they will be old and grey. ( Rick Pitino did to the Celtics what the fall of the automotive industry did to Detroit.)hqdefault (1) 3.jpg

The Celtics have plagued LeBron throughout his career. The last team to make it to the NBA Championship without LeBron James on it is the Boston Celtics, who very well could have had 3 titles instead of one….and we did it without the pomp, frill, and show boating Hollywood behavior displayed by the South Beach LeBron team who only achieved 1 more ring than the Celtics BIG TICKET, TRUTH, SHUTTELSWORTH team.Big-3 2.jpg

The Boston Celtics were the first team to deal LeBron’s south beach team a serious loss, a team that refused to back down to LeBron from the opening whistle.

LeBron had to suffer through loss after loss in the playoffs to the Celtics prior to his time in Miami and our fans as well as our players never let him forget that.

Despite pulling together a terrific roster in Cleveland, LeBron is still being pestered by a team with few to no stars, a young coach, and a budget far less expensive.

LeBron wanted to send a gift on Wednesday, and what he got was a deliciously stanky L for the fine people of Boston to smoke in the commons.

In short this win proves quietly that Trader Danny’s plan is running its course, we have time on our side and have been regularly over achieving throughout the season.

In Trader Danny we Trust.Oivhq8kj 2.jpg