March Madness Beware the Bracket

“Beware, beware the Ides of March…” the soothsayer warned Julius Caesar, but he did not hide and, instead, we are told that where he lived, so he died.

More often than not, like clock work it is the month that follows February and proceeds April. The month were fortunes are made, careers ended and rings sized.

March is not just for the Irish or the gambler, it is for the 1 and dones, the 5 year white bench player and….fuckin sports news casters who spin their wheels and sow their webs of bullshit “bracketology”. The concept of Bracketology is bullshit, nobody knows what will happen, no amount of number studying, intuition sensing or basketball IQ will help you. Why? Because the games individually at face value are 50 and by default a 1 seed has no mathematical probability over a 12 seed for the same reason a quarter has the same probability of laying heads as it does tales. Shit happens in basketball, the worst of teams have played games where they bested the best of teams, it is a gamblers nightmare come march, and in the words of Kevin Garnett….anything is possible

More often than not it is the person who knows nothing about basketball who does the best in the bracket.

Example: Everyone has had to interact with that one obnoxious girl or that jerk off in your bracket who knows next to nothing about basketball or what NCAA means/is but because they randomly chose teams for no reason at all with little to no factor of reasonable thought or conclusion.

The brackets effect everyone, it is a unifying American event and to not do one is Un-American, the greatest of Presidents do brackets and the worst of all Presidents that existed after the creation of the NCAA tournament do not do brackets, so….terrible garbage Presidents dont do brackets — click the word bracket for proof. With that in mind here is a painstakingly piece by piece breakdown of my first round picks.


Villanova- Big East Dick Swinging

Virginia Tech- 8-9 upsets are always plausible…always

Virginia- UNC Wilmington has a dumb logo

Florida- ETSU is just an atrocious abbreviation

SMU- I hate Providence ( Go Rhody) and USC gets enough sun

Baylor- NM State has al time logo and it pains me to pick them to lose but…they didnt play a single top 50 team……I hate to use logic but this is a no brainer. I hope

Marquette- South Caroline seceded from the Union first, its literally UN-American – click for proof

Duke- Troy fell, Duke will someday…just not March 17th

on to the WEST

Gonzaga- W

Vandy-another 8-9 rank, play the under, and play for keeps.

Princeton- Notre Lame. nuff said.

WVU- Bucknell color scheme is a poor version of Blue Mountain State, not worthy. sad!

Xavier- My faith in the Big East is unwavering

FSU- Florida Gulf Coast is not a real school, I repeat, it is NOT a real school

Arizona- Hot girls


Kansas-Paul Pierce baby, Raf Lafrentz LEZZ GO

Miami- I picked two 9 seeds to upset 8 seed, law of averages ya know

Nevada- Upset city

UVM- Even a blind squirrel finds a nut

UNIVERSITY OF RHODE ISLAND- Hot girls, smoke factory of the East, Amazing basketball program from the mens team to the pro women’s men’s basketball practice players.

Screen Shot 2017-03-15 at 6.47.00 PM.png

Oregon- their gear is to nice to fail in the first round

Michigan- No fab 5 player is left in the NBA- its time for Michigan to return

Loui- Great comedian, and Pitino is creepy enough to pull this W off against a weak JSU team.


UNC- its the tar heels

Seton Hall-Big East BALL baby

Minn- MTSU is not a good name

Butler- Bull dogs baby no other reason

K- State- Cincy is weak, and K-State has a solid logo

UCLA- Lavar ball is dumb, but his kid can ball

Wichita- Dont sleep on Wichita, Dayton overrated fake news out of the A-10

Kentucky- Northern KY jelly wont be eating free steak at their local restaurant.  google it…its a real fucking thing and I wont be providing the link.

So there you have it, above is a perfect and logical break down that fits the perfectly illogical year to year results the NCAA tournament produces. I can only hope that whatever amount of money you and your friends say you will chip in every year crosses my path and I benefit from it.





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